Something missing

Tonight I felt I was in the wrong place. That I had to be somewhere else and if I did not figure our where that is I was missing out on something great.

Unintentionally walked off the set of my own movie as the cameras rolled on without me; I wandered amongst the unkempt recesses of back stage where all the extras lounged about and drank as they waited to make their brief appearance in my life.

End scene.

~ J

Sent from my iPhone

A quote...

APRIL is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.

T.S. Elliot

I guess we will never know

A journey to find happiness is one that begins at ones birth. Humans are all unwittingly a part of this venture even without this realization.

I sit alone in a pub occupying a booth contemplating the enjoyment of the surrounding patrons. All a part of a microcosm created by the happiness of their moment.

Conversational buzz engulfs my senses as I create this blog staying within my own little pocket of silence.

Waiting for the band to play.

~ J

Sent from my iPhone

Previously on Next Time...

I miss 2009.

2009 was a fun year, seen so many things, been to so many places, had some really amazing adventures.

Now it seems more like a ghost image of a life I had a long long time ago.

I know I can recapture these memories, but any of these following years will not compare.

I have a feeling that someone is about to prove me wrong.

~ J

Who Cancelled the end of the world?

I spoke with my mother on the phone today, we had a pleasent conversation.

I can tell she is trying very hard to be nice to me.

I think I liked it better when she bit my head off for the little stupid things I say.

It seems unnatural.

~ J

Pretty girls ignoring J

I have come to believe that the world does not spin on a perfect axis.

I asked the man on the moon does the sun rise in the east, his response would be 'The sun does not rise at all'.

We can argue with him from now to eternity the mere concept that the sun moves horizon to horizon is absurd to him.  However he will point out the period when the large green and blue ball disrupts the continuity of the sun's constant.

I can prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that The Sun does NOT rise in the east, nor does it set on the western horizon.

But in fact it is the Earth that spins constantly away from the unwavering light in an uncertain shame.

As she turns away only to long for the warmth of its light she once again spins to face her bathing.

Only to once again look away.

As we psych ourselves to boldly face life in all its glory we then bring ourselves to light our faults and turn to cower in the darkness as life beacons us to not to fear it but to embrace its nonjudgmental  warmth we once again spin around and leap at an opportunity only to once again hide from our own misconceived revelations.

~ J

pausing between order and chaos

(an excerpt from 'Personal Tao Musings')


With Chaos, many people become overwhelmed by what is by definition unpredictable.

The unpredictability of Chaos creates the illusion of events around one speeding up. It's not that events are speeding up as much as unpredictable actions are destroying the predictable order of normal day to day operations. One random event cascades into a hundred unforeseen activities. In orderly situations, we don't see much of the action since people purposely created the order to hide away most actions from our view.

Chaos forces you to deal with everything at once...

Most people handle this by trying to block out changes (resisting change).

• To resist change is slowly face erosion of your soul.
  (This often leads to depression that reinforces erosion)

Some people get overwhelmed and give up

• To be swept away by the events and lose your uniqueness in life

Ironically the times that appear most chaotic are not in times of chaos, but in the times when Order is breaking down to Chaos or Chaos is being reorganized into Order.

This is the in-between blink of transition, the unknown moment: that anyone feels in real change...

So the most dangerous time is not within times of order (more specifically times of negative order) and not within chaos (unpredictability), rather the most dangerous time of all:

Is in the blink between times of chaos and order.

When the system of flow is in turbulence between chaos and order.

 In Taoism we teach to pause between changing states, to allow awareness to be part of our process to better flow with what will be.
This isn't about gathering all the information you need. In fact to try to figure it all out, will just cause paralysis rather than pause.

Discover this is about pause, true pause, an active state when our essence is open to everything around us. Not categorizing everything with knowledge, but accepting the connections around us with awareness.

It then becomes possible to select the connections that reinforce our essence and release any connections that diminish ourselves. Then as the situation evolves into either order or chaos, it become possible to change your personal state to act accordingly.