Less a clue

Sending a message this morning was the least of my concerns, unconcerned of any possible outcome I continued my pursuit of the impossible.

My Struggle over my weight is a extremely tough battle, it seems I have reached an excrutiaing plataue, a barrier I just cannot surpass.

The battle is entirely in my head and as I contemplate the possible outcomes I run the risk of eternally falling into the abyss of obesity.

The journey of 2009 but a mythological memory in a distant past.  it almost seems that last year was but a page of a long forgotten fantasy novel that has come to an 'to be continued' with a not so satisfactory end.

I already began putting the tale to paper before the events of '09 completely slip me into a distant dream only fondly reminisced days later.

I wonder if the second book of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy began "...and Frodo went back to the shire leaving the One Ring somewhere on the path to Mordor only to give up such an impossible task to a simpler life locked away in his humble abode..."

Not to exciting of a tale..or maybe Tolkien left out chapter or two between the first two books where Frodo set up a semipermanent home only to sulk over the impossible task saying to himself "maybe today will be the day I get back on track?" only to find it harder and harder to leave the comfort zone he created for himself.

Unfortunately the one factor that remained with Frodo up until the end was his childhood friend Samwise, who relentlessly kept the hobbit on his large toes despite the unsurmountable odds stacked against them.

I wonder where is my 'Samwise' on this journey filled with self-doubt and disillusionment.  

reading over my post see the self pity and loathing scattered through out, and I begin to wonder....

I am not putting blame on anyone, the bed I made is entirely for me to sleep in and no one else.  

In the end I stand by the fact that I am J I am a Finley and the odds are stacked up against me in ways I cannot start to comprehend, but by God I am going to pick up this damn ring and throw into the fires of Mordor, even if it kills me.  All I can say is if any Orcs dare to get in my way...

...May God have mercy on their souls

~ J