hEllo my fRiend

I have come a long way in 2009.

I set out on a journey of self improvement and enlightenment.

During this Tao I discovered a few things about myself and the world.

I was ready to give up on humanity and just focus on unity with life and nature when people came into my life.

One in particular showed me that there are still people out there that can be redeemable

Do not get me wrong, I know the world is full o people with a pure heart and enlightened intentions, but I never thought I would meet someone who share a deep sense of self awareness as I do.

The other part of my journey consisted of losing the excess weight I accumulated over the previous decade.

In June of 195 I came to south Florida at 300 pounds.

Someone pointed to me my unhealthy disposition, and I took this to heart.

In the course of the year I created a strict diet and exercise plan for myself

By June of the following year I weighed 225 pounds.

even though I was at an optimal weight than the one I was when I started, i always saw myself as the obese kid that began that journey.

Despite the fact I went from a size 46 to a 38 I kept beating myself up and refused to believe I looked better.

In the end my irrational part took over and I gave up altogether.

Over the preceding years I slowly increased in weight, always fluctuating depending on my mood.

It was until recently I realised I was an emotional eater.

But not the emotion you would think of, I ate when i was happy, and the more happy I was the more I ate.

I know you are going to laugh at what I about to say, and point out that so many people had horrible childhoods, close to that of what our worst nightmares could not paint, but you see, I had a happy childhood.

My mother was good to us, she took us out on adventures, and always made sure we had more than enough to eat.

We were poor, but we never never went hungry.

It did not help that my mother was no IS and amazing cook.

Her worst culinary "experiments" were much better than 99% of what I had at any of the "best" restaurants out there.

Getting back on track.

From 2000 to 2002 my life took a turn for the bad, not financially, but spiritually, I became an awful person.

I did things that most people would consider borderline evil.

I had an incredible rage issue that would ignite at a whim.

By the time 2002 came to its end I concluded I needed a change.

A HUGE change, a complete reboot on my life.

So I quit my job, lost all my current friends, and sought a better understanding of myself.

this prompted a happiness in my life, so with happiness came indulgence, and so began my steady trek in increase weight.

From 2003 to 2004 I quickly rose up in ranks at my new place of my employment, I was never destined to be a 'telemarketer' so I found my niche in computers.

In the beginning of 2004 I was ready to meet a girl.

Getting to know her showed that I had the skills to begin mingling with society once more as a productive citizen.

Low and behold I fell for her, and amazingly enough she fell for me, and so begins a deeper happiness followed by intense eating.

we were "married" the beginning of 2005 and toward the end of this year began the decline of my health.

By October of 2005 I had a major growth on my thyroid and when removed it turned out to be cancer.

So the remainder of 2005 consisted of my surgery and recovery and another reevaluation of my life.

2006 consisted of the declination of my "marriage".

by the end 2006 she separated from me and determined to get her back I separated from her.

fighting a inner battle to get on with my life and to win her back, she remained at my side as a friend, maintaining my happiness I increased in size once more.

toward the middle of 2008 I was well on my way to 400 pounds and after finally discovering she had found companionship elsewhere and the possible exception of being alone once more I reached an unheard of amount of 425 pounds.

Health in bad shape, and in danger of diabetes on December 31st, 2008 9:33PM I made a declaration that I was going to turn my life around and lose my weight and further my journey of self enlightenment.

So on January 1st, 2009 a new Jason arrived into this world.

2009 contained more adventures, self discovery, and friendship in one year than my entire life.

So I ended 2009 at 320 pounds (100 pounds less) with one new amazing friend, and a lifetime of memories.

the decade ended with all my major issues tied off, accepting things the way they are, and finally on my true path of enlightenment.

Which means I am happier than I have ever been.

Which means I cannot stop thinking about food.

the first few days of 2010 consisted of struggling to stay on track with the continuation of losing weight and bettering myself.

By the 3rd I decided to up my diet to an extreme.

on the 4th I began my new plan, unfortunately it gave me only 500 - 600 calories per day.

This was unacceptable, I know I cannot do this with any cheat whatsoever, cause this would lead to a large demise to my diet.

So in conclusion I decided to unravel one acceptance I made over the new year. With the one acceptance out of the way I will be sufficiently miserable enough to get my mind off of over eating.

This is something that will never be but my irrationality thinks otherwise. I learned to suppress my irrational side, but for now he serves a higher purpose, so I will continuing to argue with him and in the meantime this distraction will be enough to continue this journey.

By the end of this year I will be 200 pounds.

Thank you for listening to me spew my nonsense,

Your awesome friend,

~ J